Okay, yesterday i jz went to Klang to visit my grandma whu felt down and had to stay overnight in a hospital..I jz realise how my grandma has became so skinny and so weak..its kinda heartbreaking..last time my grandma used to walk a distance to play mahjong wif her kakis nearby jz like around 5-6 years ago..and now she have problems jz walking..so when my grandma was being discharge..me n my sis had a chance to see a jz born baby..so cute n so small..its such a big contrast..when one life is being born another jz diminish and fall into another cycle of life..a sharp contrast that a hospital holds each day..i m afraid of death i must say..but another ting that i m more afraid of is growing so old n so thin + helples that i cant even change tv channels cuz i have no strength to press on the buttons on the remote control..dats why now i m starting to stuff myself wif food..at least when i m old already i wud become those cute amahs that is more to the round side..i dun wana be skinny...i tink most ppl nowadays are weird...evybody wans to be skinny...i m asking Y??? when u r old alrdy will skinny do u good?..its better evybody start shoving food inside now to last ourselves till we are old..expecially for me i dun drink milk..so i needa eat alot of other foods to fill myself wif enuff nutriens to make me healthy enuff when i m old...I want to have energy when i get old..i tink of myself as a much long term person..i have made comparisons now alrdy on amahs dis days...i wud prefer to be one of the many cute n fat amahs..den skinny ones...n cute n fat amahs seems to have much more energy n r usually more optimistic towards life..( i reckon...cuz if u r likeable u wud be much confident)..n i wud smile always n play wif my grandchildrens...( if i have grandchildrens) n if by luck i have stored enuff carbohidrats inside me n have lots of energys i will be able to go around d world wif a tongkat or mayb wifout one...thats my dream..to go travelling when i grow older..n i want to stay at foreign countries...cuz it seems dat overseas amah are much more healthier...especially ang mous..mayb its because of the weather..i dun care if i m fat today( haha i tink i have stuffed myself wif lots of food dis hols..so happy)...wat i care is if i m skinny when i m old...i tink i still have room for ice creams..so now i m about to go eat my ice cream..live up my dreams of becuming a round chubby amah..

its just me.4:50 PM

How many of us have experienced this intense wreckage cuz by a feeling called love...I dunno about u but i tink most of love's ending is either hate or sumting negative..pretty cruel aint it...dat sumting so sweet shud end so bitterly...n then theres unrequited love..where theres no ending n strting..n wats left is wonders of how love wud be..how many of us dream of a happily ever after ending...sadly thats jz 1% of lucky ppls out of billions of us in dis world..still evybody continues to go after it...believing in it..mayb love is worth all that..maybe is jz dat we believe in sumting we wish to be true...jz to make us feel better..If only humans were made less complicated..maybe there wud really be a happily ever after ending...sumtimes we reckon we r the one whu cud provide the best to sumone we love...the truth is...u never know till u r in love..n u r helpless at wad u cud do to proclaim ur love to someone special..seriously dis days the word *romantic* is challenged in films n movies..which go to the extremes to prove the chemistry n romance between the main characters..sum of us watch romantic movies n then we go-' aww how sweet, if only....' haha, but thats jz movies...if theres one if only that wud cum true...i hope it wud be the fairy tale tat everybody will have a happily ever after ending...Sumtimes i look at old couples at their 60's-70's hands in hands n i tink how lucky of them to have each other at this age n how strong their love isits so commo nowadays for divorce, seperations,break up...that such strong hold of love really amaze..Then there are this korean shows that r kinda like bull shits...half of wad that tries to convince us that 1st love last long till the end...imagine if our first love is at the young age of 12...i dun tink there is high chance it might continue till the end which wud probably be around the age 60++...n young ppl at that age dun really noe wad exactly is love even..the chances are very slim that a bondage between two person can last that long..this reminds me of those arranged marriage back in those days...i tink thats so cruel..forcing two complete strangers to fall in love wif each other..imagine dat...n if u get a violent or demanding partner..it wud be pretty tragic..But surprisingly arranged marriage back in those days last longer than marriage these days..whu ever heard of divorce back in those days..? here we r finding for the one to get married to n then after awhile like few years you realise thats not the one anymore...n there are ppl back in those days whu were forced to get married n they learn how to love sumone...n how to make their marriage last..seems like when we get our own way relationships get pretty complicated...more broken hearts...i guess when there is giv there is take...u get ur freedom in chosing n u get mistakes made by ur own choice too...mayb parents are really better in finding partners for us then ourselves...@.@ still i wun allow my parents to do so...lolz...i prefer my own choice..n my own consequences...i used to tink dat-love is 100 pounds of crap...10 000 of unwanted words...and 98% of broken heart...they created cinderella stories to cheat us...and movies they are good for spare time activity while eating pop corn but aint good for believing...but thers still 2% of hope...so cheers lets all be fools of luv...-hehe, pretty negative huh..but thats wad i see n learn...still i dun tink life is worth living wifout experiencing love...so like i said cheers lets all be fools of luv...

its just me.4:53 PM

Just last monday n tuesday i went to this really weird BGR seminar wif em n her cousin... Weird in d sense that it was kinda whacky n quite boring..cuz both of the speakers were really not dat good..they tried hard but their jokes were all pretty lame n they didnt manage to catch our attention..d only ting that kept me surviving in d seminar was those video clips they showed us..n the yummy food..anyway the seminar was on life, love n sex..n sumting on abstinence..sumting like dat...the way this seminar put it...we r vunerable to sex evyday..o.o..so the first module was a video clip a interview on how american ppl view sex..n the consequences of sex..one ting that caught my attention was these interview on three gurls whu were sexualy active at a very young age...n they got pregnant..the 1st gal opt 4 abortion n she regretted her actions alot...n it livs wif her till dis days..i dun realy bliv in abortion n the ppl in the seminar doesnt too..its like murder n i tink its pretty cruel to kill babies..n then there was dis other gal whu chose to keep her baby..however, her bf whu got her pregnant was emotionaly affected by the birth of their baby n sumhow cudnt take the stress...one day he raped the gal n after that shot himself in front of the baby n the gal..it was pretty tragic...i can imagine tha gals pain..then the 3rd lady said sumting that kinda makes alot of sense..she said that she regretted having sex cuz after that she often wondered whether her bf loved her for whu she is or for her body...anyhow, she got pregnant n married her bf in a small ceremony at home..she wasnt allowed to wear the white gown cuz white represents virginity n she wore a blue one instead..her bf ditched her after awhile..n she had to raise the kid all by herself..then there was dis guy in the video whu treats sex as a joke n he said dat he had sex wif more than 30++ n how consequences of sex doesnt match the satisfaction of sex...how shallow...it seems dat different ppl have different opinions on this issue...oh well dis is life n we chose how we want to live it...sex be4 marriage sex after marriage u make ur choice...anyways jz to set tings clear...the speakers in dis seminar are from dis group focus on the family whu doesnt encourage sex b4 marriage..so mostly they were guiding us on ways to prevent sex..they even distribute sum sorta work book to us...n there were some worksheets we were supposed to do...but i din really bother to touch it even..but ther were sum stuff i find pretty amusing in d book on how cpl might lead to sex..-

1st level: being together
2nd : holding hands
3rd : goodbye kiss

4th : mouth to mouth kiss example- french kiss
5th : necking
6th : touching here and there
7th : serious touching buisiness
8th : very intimate
9th : lead to sex
10th : no more d.. unless u are a pervert

So the seminar ppl suggest that the thumbs up for cpls are only till the 3rd step...n dey asked us to draw our own border line..sum ppl drew their border line at the 2nd step ther..n i thought i was conservative..shish...anyways dey showed us sum other video clips the next day...n i found one video by Nick Canon-Can I Live which they shown us to be kinda interesting...its a video the artist dedicated to his mum..if it wasnt for his mum decision to not go thru abortion at the last minute...he wudnt be alive today...so bassically the video was about the voice of those whu cant speak..babies inside wud be mum's asking for a chance to live..it was quite touching actually..though sadly the music wasnt really that good..kinda pitchy( my sis said annoying cuz of all the kids background sound inside)...but worth checking it out...expecially the video..I find it amazing that i can remember so many stuff from dis quite boring seminar..ahaha...but mostly those that i remember r in video forms..i tink i hav forgotten alot of wad d speakers said...except for some really lame jokes that oni managed to raise eyebrows..n not laffters..sad case..anyhow proud to say me n em survived the seminar wifout slping thru it...n her cousin was quite kesian actually...kinda out of place for him..cuz b4 we went to the seminar i imagine it was kinda like a adult seminar tingy..i assume em n her cousin thought so too..but there were mostly kids in the seminar...n em's cousin is 19 dis year...lolz...like sesat ther oni.. the best part was the three of us going off to watch poseidon after the seminar...kinda skipped thru sum seminar parts...hehe...it was a really nice show...kinda scary for me cuz i keep imagining wad wud happen to me if i m stuck inside a overturned ship..for a claustrophobic me..i tink i wud freak alot...there was dis character in the movie that is claustrophobic too...n she end up dead...0.0..i tink i wud not be sitting any cruise ride soon...haha...overall quite a weirdly spent monday n tuesday...the seminar kinda prove to em n me that we r not that super conservative ppl actually...there are more ppl out ther whu r super super conservative..we have found our kind in the most unlikely place..haha..ohyar what i anticipated they wil ask us to do at the camp...-repeat wif me-sex n love may seem the same but it is very different-sex is not good-...it all happened..so when other ppl were punching their hands into the air n saying those lines...me n emily was cracking up underneath the table..i m kinda psychic...

its just me.11:43 PM

welll...i m a veli lazy blogger i must say...the girl power camp is so long ago d(actually 5 days ago but seems veli long d)...well here it is

hmm i tink for me the 1st interesting tok is on the kanebo tok...the make up company...cuz i m really amazed by how many stuff u cam apply on ur face...n half the stuff they r toking really makes me @.@....( i have veli shallow pengetahuan on make up area...i dunno wad is for wad...) so since i m totally clueless...i find it veli interesting...n they pulled a gurl up for demonstration-umbrella gurl(i tink her name is michelle) but we(me,zj n em) call her d umbrella gurl cuz she alwiz wear umbrella type of cloths to tui( pn khairiah bm tui)..then they start puttin make up on her face...n anotha person teaching how to aply it n why we shud aply..n they transform the gal face into a more beautiful her( or so they say cuz i cant really see the diff cuz her catwalk around the hall was super fast like zoom)...n then ther was dis lady teaching us how to walk, stand n sit...i remember this=when ladies stnd u must-one leg 12 0'clock anther 2 or 10 o'clock( depends which leg u r stnding on)...then chest up stand tall...but seriously i dun tink i will ever practise that...it is so stupid...thogh to the middle of the tok i got bored d...luckily li jen pulled me out together for toilet break..i managed to survive the 1st tok..

2nd tok-it wasnt really veli interesting but i thought the person who gave us the tok was weirdly interesting...ms dolly kee..she giv out the ancient wibes...wat wif her high wasit pants, eye brow alwiz one side up n one side down...n her elviz presley hair...den she called like around 10 ppl up to giv a lil tok on wad was her 1st impression to them..well dat was kinda funny...cuz i imagine if i m up..i wud not noe wad to say...cuz my 1st impression was...r u sure she's the one who is gonna giv us a tok on Mirror to style....(kinda bad but cudnt help it)...i want to learn how to do the elvis presley hairstyle though...but sadly she din gave a tok abt it( or did she? cuz i fell asleep halfway)

3rd tok-totally boring tok by health lady but luckily dis time i sat wif li jen, lynn shane n yuan shuang( thx god) otherwise i wil surely slp...she gav us colorfull papers...yellow-yes, red- no, n white-i dunno...sumhow i remember li jen n her yes, no ,i dunno chant..wif the help of the paper n friends i made it thru the boring health tok wif laffters...lynn shane n yuan shang really can laff too...so we had a good time laffing...n li jen was scribbling the click 5 n sum hot guys name on a piece of paper...we were oll occupied in our own world...n the health lady was kinda in her own

Finnaly after wat seems like ages...all the toks were over...n now for the extreme game...wasnt really extreme but definitely TIRING...they made sure the distance btween each clues were at least a few floors difference...meaning we hav to run from lower ground to 5th floor den down again n up to 3th floor...the watermelon part was hellish...we were suppose to eat watermelons using only mouth n wifout hands..i had to put my whole head inside the watermelon( seriously) n eat the watermelon up..i m not a watermelon person...i hate watermelon..luckily my teammates were all veli cooperative...it was much easier...n we were smart enuff to take the lifts rather then runing the stairs...most unfotunately we did not win...sum teams managed to finish the quest veli early...pretty amazing...

well the final part of the day was d dinner...i was kinda imagining that it wud b buffet dinner style...evybody in the hall...n theres chairs n table..but instead we end up in d cafetaria..n the dinner was packet chicken chop wif coleslow n harsh brown..it was really not enuff for me...n luckily i was not d oni wan...yuan shuang complained abt the lack of food too...then there was my teams preparation for the presentation afterwards...luckily i was given a small post in d sketch...cuz i m those type of ppl who goes up d stage n get totaly lost n panick...went back in to the hall n heard music...evybody was dancing..dat was really cool though i freaked alil cuz i seriously cant dance...li jen freaked a lil too...but luckily the music were those we were familiar with...n though i cant dance to it...at least i can sing to it...then there was dis pillow tok lady dat went down n dance wif us..dat really scare me cuz if she came to me...i will not noe wad to do...i tink i will jz move my hands simply n hope she goes away..luckily i was not d unlucky one...foong ang was the mangsa tho...n i must say she handled the dancing quite well...after that it was presentation time...enjoyed most of it...expecially the 2 minutes talent show where most talented person from each team get to show of their talent to the audience...i realised many of the camp ppl can really sing...veli well too...

Then finnaly came to the pillow tok time..i dun remember wad they were really toking about..most of the time me n li jen was laffing over sum stuff while lying down...but i remember there was dis cool french lady wif the french accent...i have made up my mind that i will learn french one day...i tink the accent is veli unique...jz listen to how french speak...after munching on chipsmore n chatting a lil..finnaly i went ta slp...it was pretty amazing i cud slp at this camp czu the most slp i have got out of other camps n trips was 1 hour oni...but i tink all of us was pretty drained from the extreme games..anyway i slept at 2am n woke up at 5 30 am...i was woke up by li jen(but she fell back to slp...lolx..) so i tried waking li jen up again..i remembered her saying har so early b4 going back to slp again..ahh oh well..so i went ta get rdy along wif a few ppl whu managed to get their butts outta bed early like me...surprisingly, li jen did not remembered the episode..haha..i tink she was slp toking...

Jazzercise time was before breakfast...this was a ting i have dread b4 the camp..cuz seriously..my mum had taught me a lil line dancing b4 n even that i cant master...i tink i dun hav a single dancing gene in my cells..i jz get totally lost..it was pretty amazing i managed to follow up to the warming up moves...after that half of the steps she taught was transformed by me into a totally diff tingy..luckily me n li jen was stnding among the few whu were very far behind...i remember banging into ppl while dancing...lolz..surprisingly i had quite a fun time...laffing n creating my own new dance steps..it was not dat bad after all it seems

After breakfast we hav dis sexual harresment tok by a lawyer turned air stewardess turned lawyer lady...the lady was cool n she hav class..i really respect her cuz she has dis dun mess wif me vibe...dam cool n yeng...she taught us how to deal wif ham sap ppl...n how to avoid those kinda ppl n sign them off..haha...she gave us a paper on d sexual harresment stuff but sumhow i tink i lost it...

Followed by the sexual harresment tok was a tok on self defence by a chief inspector..though it was on charts n statistic form...not demonstrations as we thought it wud be..ok the tok was honestly veli boring...n evybody strted to fall aslp or were busy toking...i was abt to slp too...but then after slides after slides of charts n statistic...i began to realise dis guy did alot of effort on preparing for tis thought...n mayb he took quite a long time to do all the slides...imagine if u took so much effort n do so many stuff n nobody appreciates..he was alrdy looking pretty nervous..so my guilt took d better of me n i ended up not slping for the whole one hour...n i managed to convince li jen not to either...Still it was pretty boring, so li jen, me n Snee went on commenting abt the slides...seriously the person whu did the slides has no artistic sense...the colors mostly did not match...but it was pretty neat...but all the info on the self defence tingy i guess not many of us really remember abt it...

Next there was dis budget savvy tok..the tok itself wasnt that interesting..wad was interesting tho was the speaker bought along her son n her husband..the 6 year old kid soon bcame the star of the day...almost evy gal began to drool over the son...including li jen...lolz...she was so obsessed in taking the pic of the kid...well i kinda kesian the son...if i m the kid i wud surely freak out n run away...wad wif so many gals shouting n wanting to take pic wif him..ahhaha...he looked a lil scare tho...n the tok ended wif us singing a song to the speaker ( shud be to the son)...

Then came to the last tok of the day...Guy Talk..it was the most interesting tok on dis whole camp..3 'lucky dudes' were invited to be interviewed by us gals...the guys were-Alvin(engaged),Christopher(engaged) n Ron(nv engaged b4)...well they were fired wif all kinda ques on bgr..n we got a indepth look into wad d guys tink about certain issue...Chris n Alvin were both veli honest speaker...expecially Alvin..their answers were sumwhat interesting n caught our attention...However the Ron guy was kinda like too good to be true..it seems like he was promoting himself lyk dis-if it is me...i wud make sure my gf wun need to spend a single sen on a date...if it is me i wud blah blah..after awhile all his answers begun to seem like sumwhat fake...mayb it is like wad li jen said he was not engaged b4...i bet when he get involved in a relationship...he wud not be able to fulfill half of what he said...if he cud...i wud really respect him..but it seems so artificial...haha...

After what seems like a short while...the camp came to an end...there was the cert n prize giving ceremony for diff categorys...then me n a few of my teammates whu was still around went to take a few pictures..i must say all my teammates were all veli supportive ppl n fun too...managed to learn alot frm them...expecially my team leader-Amylia...she was the first person i warmed up to in my team...a bubbly n talkative fella..haha..i tok alot too so i guess that was why we clicked..ahaha..n with a happy+ sad note the girl power camp ended...i tink i gained quite alot of experience from dis camp..n learnt alot of stuff..like how a gal needs to be confident...they highlight this point alot in d camp..overall it was quite a unique experience...

Btw..i had to write this twice cuz my stupid com restrted after i wrote finish my first piece on dis girlpower camp post...so glad i managed to finsih this...ahh...

its just me.11:46 PM