Pissing in the river
^ The song title makes me snigger all the time, but it is actually a very depressing song, contrary to the not so depressing title. Though I don’t really get what makes the song sad, mainly because I have no idea what the lyrics means, whenever I’m down I listen to this song, and it helps, a lot. I like the term I’m down, it’s a very polite and non disclosing way of saying I’m sad, I’m fucking pissed or I’m mad at life depending on the situation, and depending on my mood. When you say I’m down, what you are feeling is diminished to the minimal point, condensed to a simple word, and when you repeat it enough times, you can actually manage to convince yourself that you are simply just down and nothing more. We need more words of that kind, makes life easier, less explanation, less questions. Focus on your own life, and continue moving on. Wrap up unnecessary emotions into this little baggage above the heart.
Driving blows. I used to have a reason to drive, but now that I have a car, the reason is no longer there, and I’m left with not only just a car, but the extra responsibility to care for it. Ahh the joys of growing up and the joys of being too late, now that I have achieved both in one go, I can die miserably. Reminder, it shall serve as a reminder than, not to be foolish, not to wish, and not to hope. Like those frightfully happy cards I always read in memory lane, a reminder that everybody likes humor, and if that does not work, write a few meaningful sentences, add a few decorative flowers, then seal it with a colorful envelope. Sadly, meaningful sentences have lost its’ touch these days and simple words are taking over, because everybody is cynical now, no need for flowery language, get straight to the point, gain or lose, then move on. For me though, I could never be direct, I tend to take on the meaningful sentences of life, the long road, the dumb road. To reach a state of realization I took 6 months, to run away it took me 1 month, and to lose everything, hah that took less than one month. HAHA, I have to laugh at the pointlessness of this all. I single handedly built and destroyed the length of a year of my life, with the painful demise of perhaps and maybe that carries on till now, and best yet, no one to blame but myself. The confidence, the hair, the cloths and now the car..in the end, foolish little me, repeating the same mistake again. I can’t compete with the circle of nature, can I? Dumbness spawns dumbness. Shit, I feel like vomiting again, I think I ate something bad 3 days ago, and my stomach has yet to recover. At least today is better than yesterday; I could still think and not sleep through all the nauseous-ness, if that’s a word.
I remember saying that when I grow up I want to be bla bla bla (the latter doesn’t matter cause it’s besides the point) in the second day of college last year, and then Mrs. Kalpana (very good bio teacher) corrected me and say, no no, you have already grown up, its not when you grow up. Poor illustration of how the conversation took place, I know. Anyway, it was at then more than any point in my 17-18 years old life that I actually felt- wow, I’m already a grown up. Thanks Mrs Kalpana! Lets see the chart of progression of my improvement with age. When I was 7, I was ambitious, in plain words I wanted to be rich (more precisely to be rich so that I can build slides all around the world as means of transportation, only for children), now to be rich has become, to just find a job, and diminished to just passing all my exams in university. The ambition has shrunk and the drive lacking, ohh as well as becoming more and more self centered. But then again, I’m already a grown up, nothing else matters, cause when you are a grown up, problems are tackled at once (timelines are shorter) and meanings takes a back seats. Is that true? I don’t know. For me, today’s profound realization is tomorrow’s silliness.
Look at me here, trying to decipher what I think, and what others should think, giving a tag of reasoning and loudly showing my distaste towards well, just being me. All this negativity, like I know what suffering is. Being bitter as hell, when I’m living a moderately good life, where there is absolutely no reason for me to be so. I have so much to learn still. I should be ashamed of turning into yet another bitter, angst driven youngling. Next thing you know, I’m writing bad poetry on darkness and the color black. Note to self: write something happy the next post. Nevertheless, here is the immature post for the day. I’m out. Going to watch Ugly Betty! Then take out the stitches in my gum!
Broad Topic
From similarity in writings to Paris Hilton to earning money to laughing, here it goes:
Sometimes when I’m writing something, I worry about whether am I writing my own thoughts or am I just reproducing other people’s piece, because of what I read and what I hear everyday. It is hard to even have your own opinion this days, because everywhere you see, opinions are uniformed, writing styles are morphed into similar models, rather scary really. I used to think that actors and actresses are very articulate, intelligent individuals when it comes to giving speeches or interviews, until I started watching E-news a lot and realize that there is a standard talking mannerism that everybody adheres to, with the exception of Paris Hilton and her- That’s hot tagline. Actually, to come to think of it, Paris Hilton is very different in that sense. She doesn’t give a shit ass about what other people think of her lack of words, she doesn’t conform into the standard form of trying-to-sound-intelligent ways the other Hollywood people strives towards. After all if you want to be remembered, you want to be unique, and if unique means giving other people the image of low IQ while raking in more money than the average people earns, so be it. She is actually selling her no-talent talent into big bucks. This means that she’s either a really smart businesswoman or a genuinely lucky person with no talent except for the habit of saying that’s hot. I wish I could be that lucky or that smart. Maybe one day I could come up with a totally useless talent that requires the least work to be done then turn it into a profit making business. Since I’m not all that big about wanting to inspire or impress other people, I wouldn’t care less that I make money by looking dumb as long as it is morally right and nobody gets hurt in the process. The only thing I would actually care about when it comes to inspiring people is to have everybody laugh genuinely when they do, not laugh half heartedly with other thoughts on mind, or forcefully laughing to not offend other people. Laughing should be fun and no less. If you don’t have time to laugh full heartedly or if you have to force yourself to laugh, you know your life is seriously lacking something. Okay! Don’t know what to talk about already, the writing shall end here! Tata and goodnight!
To show that I actually still exist, here is another tag post. Not that I don’t want to write for this blog, just that whenever I write something, I wont post it up in the end because it always becomes too bizarre from the middle on.
Instructions: Remove 1 question from below, and add in your personal question, make it a total of 20 questions, then tag 8 people in your list, list them out at the end of this post. Notify them in their chat box that he/she has been tagged.
1. At what age do you wish to marry?
Either at 22, 33 or 77, 88.
2. What is your most favourite thing to do?
Watching vlogs, videos, reading forums, and hitting my hp back to consciousness.
3. If you have a close close close close friend since childhood who loves to take away whatever you like, including guys/girls, and he/she always wins, will you still consider him/her your friend?
As long as the person never steals my food, shoes or socks, its cool.
4. If you can have 1 dream to come true, what would it be?
To have mammoth backs on the earth and stomp everything away, then have the crazy oxygen guy from no country of old men to start shooting at the mammoth but instead gets smashed in just one second by the leader mammoth, and santa claus to suddenly appear and give everyone presents.
5. Do you believe you can survive without money?
Yeap, I advocate for the return to the time before barter system and money. Hunting and farming. No nonsense, the weak gets eliminated with bare hands. No cloths. Lotsa lotsa caves.
6. What are you afraid to lose the most?
My sanity and my eyesight.
7. What do you feel like doing, right now?
Starting a video marathon on tudou.com. Video loading is enabled again!
8. If you meet someone that you love, what would you do?
Create a list of personality testing sorta survey form similar to that of our management assignment questionnaire, observe, tick and see whether they get into the possible fit category.
9. List out 3 good points of the person who tagged you.
Remembers her own and others birthday, birth date, earth day or whatever very well
Flat out crazy at times, with the manic laughter and evil plains brewing
Good memory! Remember your wedding I want to sit in the front table where they serve the best food and have the best view to performance k!
10. What are the requirements that you wish from your other half?
Just remember that for commitment, forever is never, together is eternity.
11. Which type of person do you hate the most?
The type that annoys the hell out of me.
12. What is the most embarrassing thing you've done recently?
Hmm, no clue at this one. Don’t think I have done anything remotely embarrassing in the past few weeks, or maybe my brain has already blocked the embarrassing memory away.
13. What is the thing that will make you think he/she is bad?
When they say naughty things LOL so wrong!!
14. What do you think is the most important thing in your life?
The air that I breathe, without it, I would be painfully dead.
15. If you have a chance, which part of your character you would like to change?
The not so confident part and the indecisiveness.
16. Who is the person that you can share all your problems with?
People who shares my same point of view, my friends.
17. How do you see yourself in 10 years time?
I would either be successful, or not successful, but my hair will still remain the same.
18. Do you think you get hungry because you’re cold, or cold because you’re hungry?
I get hungry because I need food, and cold because of the weather.
19. What's your all time favourite candy?
Kopi-ko sweet.
20. Which character from a song do you wish to appear in front of you right now?
Luka from the Suzzane Vega song to ask her a few things, or the Delilah from hey there Delilah song to smack the hell out of her for being the cause of a now becoming repetitive song, ohh and Mandy deserves to be smacked too, the Mandy song’s Mandy I mean.
My roommates and I once : I don’t have a roommate. But I guess since sis sleeps in the same room as I am in, she’s counted as my roommate. We once did a parody video of the erasure-a little respect montage on d.e.b.s. The video is somewhere out there I believe.
Never in my life have I : been shitted on by some random birds flying on the sky.
High school was : 5 years of playing around without a clue, just swiftly going from one form to another, having lotsa fun on the way. Great time, great friends, great memories.
When I’m nervous : I tend to mumble or laugh unsurely. Sometimes I just run away or pretend I’m not there.
My hair : always gets back to its own style at a certain length, but sometimes I like it better than other ordinary days. Good hair days are great.
When I was 5 : I danced this aerobic dance thingy in my kindergarten’s annual concert. The outfit was some black color long sleeve t-shirt and aerobic pants, plus one swimming suit on the outside. The only good thing about the whole outfit was the headband which is brown in color and has the school logo on it.
When I turn my head left, I see: my side of the bed, a bolster I just kicked down and a little bit of my cupboard.
I should be : sleeping now. Really exhausted but don’t feel like it yet.
By this time next year : I will be older.
My favorite aunt is : Hmm, I like kweetin gu gu cause I remember when we were young, she would teach us how to do this head bobbing dance routine thing and whoever does the best will get to eat Mamee or Ice-cream. Then theres su ngoh gu gu who is the coolest aunt ever, got very cool short hair and can speak B.M. in a really funny way, whom looks the most like my dad. Oh n got geok mui gu gu, she is the dentist aunt. I get all my allergy medicine pills for free from her, and she taught us things like if your lazy to brush your teeth twice in the morning which is after waking up and after having your breakfast, you should brush your teeth after breakfast, cause its better and you will have fresher breath, and you save toothpaste. Of course den you should remain silent throughout breakfast because you would not want to inflict morning breath on people before tooth-brushing, and it wouldn’t work if your eating out.
I have a hard time understanding : a lot of things. Like why do we work in the morning and sleep at night and why the word procrastination is even created. I hate that word. I think the word has crossed its line, taking over everything, disrespectful of all the old words that has serve us greatly over the years, like the word lazy. We should embrace the menace that is the word procrastination and stop using it, because it sounds depressing and because children of the future shouldn’t have to learn one more new word that has more than 10 letters just because we suddenly decide that it is a nice word to use all over the place now.
My ideal breakfast is : Lotsa lotsa crispy bacon, ham, sausages, hard boil egg, garlic bread and soup!
If you visit my home town: spot how many 99 speed markets are there in Klang.
If you spend the night at my house : you might actually get to hear me sleep talking, though that’s a rare case scenario. Or u could try pretending to be like my sister and ‘accidentally’ kick me in my sleep and hear me throw slur words at you non-stop for 5 mins before sleeping back again.
My favorite blonde is : Jennifer Aniston
My favorite brunette is : Eliza Dushku
The animal I would like to see flying besides birds : are Ostriches, although they are technically still birds, but they cant fly, and i dont think it is fair. Maybe they would stick their head into the clouds just like what they do on ground when they get afraid. I want flying chickens too, fly really high the type. I would pay to sit on airplane just to see flying chickens out of my window.
I shouldn’t have been : 18 this year. Sometimes I feel like I’m 10 and other times 55 when I have back aches, but never do I feel like an 18 year old. The only time I remember that I’m 18 is when I watch shows that are rated 18 and above in the cinema.
Last night I: realized that I really gotta buy more short pants for sleeping purposes. I have to sleep in jeans this days because there are only 2 decent sleeping pants left in my wardrobe. Others have passed on.
A better name for me would be : Hmm, never really thought of that before. I like my own name. But I do know I would not want to be named Blanket or Lulu.
I’ve been told I look like : Erm, some girl in primary school and another girl in secondary school.
If I could have any car, it would be : a Kelissa for five years then after that I would upgrade to a bigger sized car like Toyota Swift or if I have earned enough, a Mini Cooper or some fancy 2-seater cars. I have small car ambitions.